Surrender
by Penguin-chan
Summary: Because he had cared and because he had hoped, he was unfairly punished. Why go through it all again? Deep inside himself, Hisoka knows why.


**Surrender** (subtitled a sort of after-Kyoto fic.)  
Penguin

**Disclaimer:** YnM does not belong to me. But I still wish that I could make profit out of this. I don't own 'Surrender' as well. It's a song © to Alex Band and Aaron Kamin (The Calling).

**Warnings:** SPOILER ALERT! Yes, there is a brief mention of the Kyoto arc ending. It's just a sentence/phrase or so, so don't worry — it won't really spoil your enjoyment of the series. By the way, for all the homophobes out there, close this window immediately. Thank you.

**Notes:** I don't know if this can be considered as a song fic, but it _was_ inspired by a song of The Calling called 'Surrender', from thence the title. I'm such a big fan of that band, and I highly recommend it to people who enjoy good music. You should buy their new CD, Two. )

**Plug:** Am I allowed to be doing this? I hope so. Anyway, join #unreal! It's a fun, fun, fun forum full of hot people. I go by _lucchan_ there. ...Er... I just discovered that links don't work here. So just click on my profile and follow the link there. Thankies.

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He had not supposed that it would feel like this. 

He had never thought that something so deceptively simple as watching his partner sleep would make him feel an intricate web of emotions, each as corporeal and unyielding as it was strong.

Up until this point, he had never thought that he could care (and definitely not so much as to love) someone again. He had sworn long ago that he would never be prey to the capricious intentions of those he had dared love. Because he had cared and because he had hoped, he was unfairly punished. He was treated an outcast and had become the object of fear and loathing in his family.

Why go through it all again?

He didn't rightly know. If he knew, he wouldn't be sitting on the edge of his partner's old, worn-out tatami mat. If he knew, he wouldn't have been staring at his partner's sleeping form, wishing that he could stroke his soft, chestnut hair, and watching over him as if he was…

…As if he was his own.

He gave a small gasp at his own thoughts. What was wrong with him? Just when did he become such a possessive person? Nonetheless, he would never admit to Tsuzuki that he wished that he could have him all to himself, and that if given the chance to spirit him off to a desert island where only _they_ could stay together, he would gladly take it. He wondered when he had become such an opportunist too.

But that didn't matter now, really. All that mattered was that Tsuzuki was safe with him right now, that they were still speaking to each other after the horrible events that had transpired. It comforted him somehow to know that they had been able to overcome obstacles together as partners. He gave a small smile when the thought of being the one to rescue Tsuzuki from his self-wrought death crossed his mind.

_'Confound it'_, he thought,_ 'I'm smiling now too?'_

He sighed and simply let it be. A lot of things had changed between them, but since he and Tsuzuki became partners, he learned that not all changes were bad. Take for example, what he just realized earlier that day. It was such a profound reality that struck him as both bitter _and_ comforting. He realized that he had already come undone, that his walls had long crumbled. He no longer looked at the world with unspeakable hate. He had moved on, despite the abysmal things that Muraki had done to him — he had learned to _live_ again.

He had Tsuzuki to thank for all of it.

When he acted like such a cold, spiteful and plain disagreeable teenager, Tsuzuki tolerated him. He even made him feel like _family_. It was such a long time since he felt someone care for him so much.

So it made perfect sense — or so he thought, that it was normal to feel something special for Tsuzuki. He didn't know if it was love… it was a rather long time since he had cared for someone before and he feared that he had forgotten how. What he _did_ know, though, that he would never to anything to hurt Tsuzuki and that he'd always be at his side even when Tsuzuki hurt him, although he found it impossible that his partner would ever harm him intentionally. From thence, what happened in Kyoto didn't count as something hurtful. True, he did cry, but Tsuzuki didn't mean to hurt him, right?

_'So this…'_ he thought,_ 'is the price of tears?'_ He gave in to the urge and gave Tsuzuki that most fleeting of strokes, the lightest caress.

Tsuzuki leaned to his touch. He was afraid that the other would wake for a moment, but ruled it out when he found that Tsuzuki continued dozing off and just _nestled_ into his hand, trapping it between the tatami mat and his head.

He tried to gently pry it off without letting his partner's head drop unto the scratchy surface of the mat as he was not used to contact, but, he woke Tsuzuki in the process.

For a moment, everything stopped. There was no wind outside; no singing crickets; no noise; no outside world; there wasn't anything but for the pounding of his heart. He wondered if Tsuzuki would shrug him off.

He stared into his partners eyes and found such a big reserve of love and warmth and… he swore that for a second he saw darkness play across Tsuzuki's eyes. He took a closer look and found that it was gone.

"Good morning, sunshine." Tsuzuki yawned lazily.

"Eh. Get off my hand, idiot."

Tsuzuki blinked again, acting clueless. He moved his head against Hisoka's hand and gave a small laugh.

"I wonder how it got there."

Hisoka blushed. "You're… asking… me…?"

Tsuzuki laughed again. Hisoka liked the sound of it: deep, sincere, and not without contentment. Hisoka was almost pleased, if not for what his partner did next.

He winked. "Never you mind, 'soka-chan. I know that you just adore me very much. I forgive you."

Hisoka pursed his lips in annoyance. He playfully hit Tsuzuki lightly, mocking him. "Have at you, you pompous airhead."

He didn't know how, but he laughed and then Tsuzuki laughed. It all happened so fast that it was almost magical. In a moment, Tsuzuki was proposing that he cook a special breakfast and Hisoka found himself protesting against Tsuzuki's whim, complaining that his partner's cooking would have them killed _again_ from food poisoning.

He didn't really believe that it would feel so good to surrender to the fact that he could very well grow to love Tsuzuki. But there it was — the undeniable truth — and he didn't feel the need to argue against it. Not now, when it felt so right.

He has finally gotten a taste of what real happiness felt like and he will never let go of it. He will crave for it always and Hisoka knows that he will never experience shortage of love whenever he's with Tsuzuki.

That's just the way it was.

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**And more notes:** Eew... It was so fluffy! I can't believe I wrote that. Well, anyway. What's done is done so you might as well review… please? 


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